


You Can't Hide in the Bathroom Forever (and please don't try)

by AlgaLenn



Series: The ABC Challenge [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bathroom, Demon!Dean, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post season finale, Post-Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe In Miracles?, Season 9, Season Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-06-21
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:29:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1820122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlgaLenn/pseuds/AlgaLenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean doesn't want to face the world and there's only one person who can make him change his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Hide in the Bathroom Forever (and please don't try)

**Author's Note:**

> **Letter B: Bathroom (suggested by an anon on[tumblr](http://thehunterofthe221binthetardis.tumblr.com/post/88316222705/bathroom))**
> 
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> 
> I'm sorry, I know I could have done something better of this word and I really wanted to write some sexy times... but I just couldn't, not this time, I wasn't inspired.

He had locked himself in the bathroom as if he could stay away from the truth that way. Stay away from his brother, stay away from his angel.

His angel… How could he think that now?

Before everything went to Hell, he had tried to avoid thinking of Castiel as his angel because that would be weird, because he didn’t want to admit that he wanted to call Cas ‘my angel’ out loud, because he knew that, no matter how ‘profound’ their bond was, his best friend wasn’t interested, ‘cause he was an angel and angels didn’t feel that way for humans –much less for a human like himself-; anyway, if they did, the angel hadn’t shown much interest on him, not even when he had been human, so there was no point in hoping for anything.

Now, though… now was different. Now he didn’t want to let himself think of the angel using those words, because now, more than in any other moment, he didn’t deserve Castiel. He was a monster, a creature of evil. He deserved to be alone, to be trapped, and since neither Cas nor his brother would trap him anywhere, he would as well trap himself… in the bathroom, yes, like a freaking teenager.

He knew he should leave the bunker, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do that. He was being selfish, that was clear. Maybe it was his new demon nature? He had left his family before, hadn’t he? But now he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Or maybe it was knowing that Castiel was dying… He wanted to stay with him for as long as he could, help him and Sam to find a way to save him. But at the same time, he didn’t want t see them, because he didn’t want them to see him like this. Cas surely could see his true form, right? Was he disgusted with him? Did he still think he deserved to be saved? He didn’t know, he didn’t want to know, that’s why he had been avoiding the angel, the demon was afraid of the answers to those questions. He was sure that was selfish too, ‘cause Sam and Cas had wanted to talk with him and he had just locked himself in the bathroom, not letting them say anything.

A week. Yes, he had spent a week locked in the bathroom. He didn’t really get bored because his thoughts kept him entertained and he spend his time there trying to learn how to use his new abilities. If he ever left the bunker he was going to need those to defend himself, mostly from the demons he knew Crowley was going to send after him.

Another minute passed –he knew exactly what time it was and he hated that too, feeling the time pass slowly while he stayed the same forever- and he stood up, like every other day, to find his face in the mirror. He tried to concentrate and make his eyes change back to their true color -no, their fake color, black was their real color now-. It was pointless, it never happened. He tried harder, fixing his gaze with the man’s staring back at him, defiantly.

He growled in frustration, breaking the sink this time -he had already broken the toilet and the faucet-. It was the same as every day, he just couldn’t do it, he couldn’t hide the fact that he was a monster and he couldn’t get out of the bathroom and leave the bunker until he could change his eyes back to green and it made him feel angry with himself and… he couldn’t really do anything about it.

In the end he found himself back in the floor, trying to hold back the tears. He couldn’t even be a proper demon. He didn’t know why but he had _feelings_ , he still had his humanity and right now it was only a burden. He wished, for the second time in his life, he couldn’t feel a damn thing.

An hour passed by. It was time for Sam to knock on the door like every damned day. His brother would ask him to come out and he would tell him to leave him alone and then Sam would leave, ‘cause the tone he would use would be final and he would make the lights of the bunker flicker. Yes, he could do that but not change his eyes. He was an amazing demon.

Sam didn’t came though and when he started to believe that his brother was going to leave him alone for once, somebody else knocked on the door.

_No… Not you, please, don’t make me face you._

“Dean, please, open the door, you can’t hide in there forever.” His best friend’s voice was soft, practically a whisper, and he could tell that he was leaning over the door to speak.

“Just leave me, Cas… Castiel.” He didn’t have the right to call him anything else. “I can try.” He hid his face behind his hands and felt the body on the other side of the door kneeling as if knowing he was on the ground and wanted to be at the same level.

“Dean, please…”

“Don’t call me that!” He shouted and quickly covered his mouth when he realized he was yelled at his angel. _No, Castiel_. “I… don’t call me that, I’m not him, I’m not Dean anymore.”

“Of course you are, you are still you, Dean, please, just open the door, I want to talk to your face, not to the memory of it.” How could an angel talk to something like him with so much affection in his voice? He couldn’t understand it. How come he despised himself so much and yet here Castiel didn’t seem to think he was other than the man the angel had rescued from hell so many years ago? “Please…?”

The demon stood up, not knowing from where he was getting the courage to face his friend, and he felt the angel stood up as well. In the second he opened the door, there were arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug that would have probably broken some of his ribs had he been still human. “Castiel, uhm… persona space?” He tried to joke. The angel didn’t move away, instead just hugged him tighter. After a few seconds he finally hugged the other back and closed his eyes.

When Cas finally broke the embrace, the demon still wouldn’t open his eyes. “I’ve missed you a lot.” He whispered.

“Yeah, I know… Sam and yo-”

“I’m only talking on my behalf, but yes, Sam misses you too.”

He felt silent, not knowing how to respond to that. Now that they weren’t hugging, he became conscious of how close they were and tried to move further away, but the angel stopped him. “Don’t lock yourself back in there. Please, Dean, I need you here…”

“I’m not-”

“Shut up.” Castiel interrupted him, his tone the one he had used that time he had told him he should show him some respect. “You are still _Dean_ , I’m still _Cas_.” He moved both hands to cup Dean’s face and massage the bags under his eyes.

“What are you doing?” The hunter asked, giving up and moving closer, not being able to deny anymore that he felt better when the angel was there with him.

“I want you to open your eyes for me.” Castiel replied, which only made Dean shake his head no. He was a monster, he wasn’t going to let the angel see him like that, he was sure that Cas already could see enough. The angel sighed. “Dean, please, I’ve missed them too.”

The hunter shook his head again. “I can’t… I’m a monster, Cas… my eyes…” The angel shushed him.

“You are not, please, open your eyes, I don’t care about their color.” Dean still wouldn’t do it.

“How come you don’t care about it? How come you don’t care that I’m a… a demon?” The hunter’s voice was practically inaudible. Castiel took a step forward.

“Because we are still family, because I need you too, because I rather have you, cursed or not.” He paused for a second, his thumbs never stopping the motion under Dean’s eyes. “Because we can fix this.”

Dean swallowed hard. “And what if it’s not broken?”

“Then we will find a way to make the best of it.”

Dean finally opened his eyes, making the angel smile when blue ones met green once again. It was Cas’ smile what made him reconsider about not wanting to feel a damn thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are loved. Also English is not my first language and I don't have a beta right now so... If I made a mistake please let me know.


End file.
